A Night’s Unworldy Brawl

Posted on September 16, 2012


A Night’s Unworldly Brawl

Yup, it's really Biug Foot.

My tag partner and one-half of the Tag Team Champions

3:18am – After a late evening at work, my co-worker dropped me off at my place.  A normal Friday morning by campus, college students were stumbling back to their places to sleep off their party mind, getting some sleep for class that day.  Stepping out of the car, I heard a fight in the driveway behind my house.  “Great,” I thought, “a fight I ought to break up.”

I walked up the hill to get behind my house and seen something out-of-this-world.   Sasquatch was being double-teamed by a set of aliens.  Yes, two aliens were backyard brawling with Big Foot.

The aliens were no more than five feet tall and looked what we humans stereotyped them to look.  Huge heads, tiny bodies, skin color off from us have here on earth.  Huge eyes that were blacker than black, I still have nightmares of how black their eyes looked.

Big Foot didn’t surprise me, how I encountered him with the Wolf Man a few weeks back when a roommate and I were chillin’ on the front porch and seen them walk by.  Thing that surprised me is I’m fortunate enough to encounter him not once but twice!

I threw down my gallon jug of water, though it was half full after working in a sweaty warehouse for nine hours, I ran up to the brawl behind my place.  When I was ten feet away, the second alien turned to me and threw up a hand to swat at me.  I backed up, not wanting to get hit, trying to figure out how to out-think this unworldly creature.

That was unsuccessful.  When I took a step back, the alien kept up and kept trying to swing at me, wanting to knock my head off.  I had no other option than defend myself on my own property, I swung back.

Words cannot describe the flesh the alien I brawled with had.  The aliens flesh felt like ours but slimier.  The closest thing I can compare it to is a newborn child when it debuts to the nurses arms.  Wet and cold, the baby cries, is similar to how the aliens flesh felt to my fist.  Could it be different because of the heat of the moment?  I’m sure, but that’s what I felt, or at least that’s what my fist felt.

Trying to rack my brain of what happened during the fight; all I remember is how I finished the alien that tried to attack me.  When I blocked his shots to my head with my arms, I kicked low, trying to take out his base.  I didn’t notice any knees but it’d be equivalent to his shins, I kept a kicking when he kept on swinging.

After several minutes of me kicking his shins, the alien looked down to check out his legs.  When he did, I seen an opening that I needed to choke him out.  I hooked my right arm around his neck, a front face lock, dropped back into a professional wrestling DDT, grapevine his body with my legs, and squeezed.  I squeezed and squeezed and didn’t let go.

With this choke I had on, I looked over to Big Foot and he had his alien on the ground and Sasquatch was doing some ground-and-pound tactics.  Sasquatch made sure his alien was down, beaten up, and unable to get back up.

I felt the alien stop breathing under my control.  I didn’t want him to die but at the same time, I didn’t want him to wake back up and keep brawling, so I counted to sixty.  Why sixty?  No particular reason, I thought it was a good number to count to at the time.

Counting to sixty, I let go of my chokehold and stood up, I turned to Big Foot and he stopped demolishing his alien and looked at me.  I turned to see my alien and he vanished.  Confusion flooded my mind.  I turned to where Big Foot left his alien, that alien, too, vanished.   Concerned, I looked at Big Foot and when I turned, Sasquatch had his paw out, wanting to shake my hand.

It felt like the Mega-Powers coming to, finally teaming up for the first time.  I looked into Sasquatch’s eyes and shook his paw, putting on the finishing touches on the new unworldly tag team champions.  Yes, Sasquatch and a warehouse worker became the Tag Team Champions of the Universe.

After the handshake, Sasquatch ran off before anyone knew what had happened.  I shook my head, can’t believe what just happened in my backyard.

I walked into my kitchen with the jug of water I had, put it in the fridge, kicked off my shoes by the front door, made it up the stairs, and showered.  Trying to figure out what happened outside, I smiled to myself, thinking that if that truly happened, Big Foot and I are a team that no one wants to mess with, that includes John “Bradshaw” Layfield and Ron Simmons.  Their gimmick in professional wrestling was they were hired-protection – if you need bodyguards, give them beer money, they’ll come and do your bidding.  Sasquatch and I did the bidding of planet Earth.

A night’s sleep helped me greatly, feeling refreshed for the new day and another night at work.  When I walked down to the main level of the place I was living, several roommates and a couple cops were outside, along with my landlord, seeing all the fur and foreign blood on the ground outback.  I thought to myself, “Wow that did happen!  I’m one-half of the Universal Tag Team Champions!”

I went outside to see what’s going on.  The police told me that there were reports of a fight between 3 and 3:30 that morning and wanted to come and investigate.  They asked me if I knew anything of the brawl.  I asked them if they believed in the paranormal.  They answered with a confused look on their face.  With that, I explained what happened once I shut my co-workers car door and unlocked the back door of the house.

Freaks come out when other freaks don’t expect them to come out.  Big Foot, I miss you.

“the Dirty Dawg” Darsie